Day 75- Sunday January 24, 2016
Sunday January 24, 2016
A year ago, my wife called me at approximately 4:45 PM with the news. She was frantic. I couldn't even decipher what she was saying but I had a horrible feeling the minute she left that things were going to be bad. After repeated attempts to get up with her via phone and not getting an answer, Jen decided to go and do a check on her mother, Jackie. I should have went with her because something just wasn't right. After finding her body lifeless in the bedroom, she called two persons. 9-1-1, then me. It was the worst phone call I had received in my entire life.
Jen's mother Jackie suffered with depression her whole life. I think we all saw the writing on the wall after nan died in December 2013. She always had someone to take care of, or take care of her, her whole life. When her husband Gordon died in 2006, she was never really the same. She had somewhat of a zest for life before he got sick. I always remember her as a beautiful woman, but her bouts of depression were horrible. Gordon was 18 years older than her. When he slowed down and retired, they just kind of stayed inside all the time, hung out and watched TV--no more travelling, no more quick trips to New Orleans or Biloxi. It was like I, over the course of the next 20 years, saw life and willingness to go out and be social or whatever just remove itself from her when Gordon slowed down.
Jen has had tough memories growing up with her mother. An alcoholic, she met Gordon, her future husband at an AA meeting in the early 80's. He was a great dad to the kids, but she had the most credit in raising them as best she could. She did have her troubles and triggers, that caused her to fall off the wagon at the most inopportune times, all throughout Jen and Brian's childhood, and when she hit that bottle, it wouldn't take much for her to pass out or just make a mess of things. Depression is the absolute worst. I see first hand what it does to people. I see it through my sister who is disabled, and through my mother, who has debilitating depression in the winter months. Physically makes her sick. It's awful.
Jens first call to me to get help was Christmas 2013, five days after nan died. Jackie got into a bottle of Brandy. Jen sensed her depression, and after calling her multiple times on Christmas day decided to go over and check on her. She saw blood on the wall, and the doors were locked. She called me then--I broke in through the back door and we found her in the closet. Bleeding pretty badly from a would i couldn't find. Jen and Brian later found it on her head. She was baker-acted. I thought she needed to attend her mother's funeral for closure, but I guess, in retrospect that seeing her be placed in a body bag was the last straw. That's when I got a first hand account on how strong Jen and her brother had been throughout the years. It was weirdly commonplace for them to do that.
That kind of leads up to the reason, that none of us were overly surprised, but still heartbroken. When I finally got there after doing about 90 mph in a 45mph zone, Jen looked broken in the driveway. I knew just by then that Jackie Stephens was gone, and possibly even the night before when my sister in law had a weird 'feeling' pass through her on a walk. I really don't know whether you get over the loss of a parent, and I definitely don't know or can speak from experience, thank God, but all i know is that my wife is a stronger person than anyone might give her credit for. She is definitely stronger than me.
I was worried a little bit today that this might cause some painful triggers for Jen, that today would be bad, or she'd be sad--but she wasn't. We spent some time on the courtyard patio in some much needed sun and even a little 50 degree heat. Jen said she dreamed about her mother last night. The dreams usually aren't good, but last night's dream was. She said Jackie talked to her, told her she was happy and had a glow about her. Jackie said she was in rehab and Jen said during the dream that Jackie looked great. I pray all the time that she gets this kind of dream, and can only hope, that during this anniversary of her death--she's seeing the eternal light and moving on. May God bless you Jackie. We do miss you and pray you're at peace now.
A year ago, my wife called me at approximately 4:45 PM with the news. She was frantic. I couldn't even decipher what she was saying but I had a horrible feeling the minute she left that things were going to be bad. After repeated attempts to get up with her via phone and not getting an answer, Jen decided to go and do a check on her mother, Jackie. I should have went with her because something just wasn't right. After finding her body lifeless in the bedroom, she called two persons. 9-1-1, then me. It was the worst phone call I had received in my entire life.
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| Jackie and the beach vintage 80's 35mm |
Jen's mother Jackie suffered with depression her whole life. I think we all saw the writing on the wall after nan died in December 2013. She always had someone to take care of, or take care of her, her whole life. When her husband Gordon died in 2006, she was never really the same. She had somewhat of a zest for life before he got sick. I always remember her as a beautiful woman, but her bouts of depression were horrible. Gordon was 18 years older than her. When he slowed down and retired, they just kind of stayed inside all the time, hung out and watched TV--no more travelling, no more quick trips to New Orleans or Biloxi. It was like I, over the course of the next 20 years, saw life and willingness to go out and be social or whatever just remove itself from her when Gordon slowed down.
Jen has had tough memories growing up with her mother. An alcoholic, she met Gordon, her future husband at an AA meeting in the early 80's. He was a great dad to the kids, but she had the most credit in raising them as best she could. She did have her troubles and triggers, that caused her to fall off the wagon at the most inopportune times, all throughout Jen and Brian's childhood, and when she hit that bottle, it wouldn't take much for her to pass out or just make a mess of things. Depression is the absolute worst. I see first hand what it does to people. I see it through my sister who is disabled, and through my mother, who has debilitating depression in the winter months. Physically makes her sick. It's awful.
Jens first call to me to get help was Christmas 2013, five days after nan died. Jackie got into a bottle of Brandy. Jen sensed her depression, and after calling her multiple times on Christmas day decided to go over and check on her. She saw blood on the wall, and the doors were locked. She called me then--I broke in through the back door and we found her in the closet. Bleeding pretty badly from a would i couldn't find. Jen and Brian later found it on her head. She was baker-acted. I thought she needed to attend her mother's funeral for closure, but I guess, in retrospect that seeing her be placed in a body bag was the last straw. That's when I got a first hand account on how strong Jen and her brother had been throughout the years. It was weirdly commonplace for them to do that.
That kind of leads up to the reason, that none of us were overly surprised, but still heartbroken. When I finally got there after doing about 90 mph in a 45mph zone, Jen looked broken in the driveway. I knew just by then that Jackie Stephens was gone, and possibly even the night before when my sister in law had a weird 'feeling' pass through her on a walk. I really don't know whether you get over the loss of a parent, and I definitely don't know or can speak from experience, thank God, but all i know is that my wife is a stronger person than anyone might give her credit for. She is definitely stronger than me.
I was worried a little bit today that this might cause some painful triggers for Jen, that today would be bad, or she'd be sad--but she wasn't. We spent some time on the courtyard patio in some much needed sun and even a little 50 degree heat. Jen said she dreamed about her mother last night. The dreams usually aren't good, but last night's dream was. She said Jackie talked to her, told her she was happy and had a glow about her. Jackie said she was in rehab and Jen said during the dream that Jackie looked great. I pray all the time that she gets this kind of dream, and can only hope, that during this anniversary of her death--she's seeing the eternal light and moving on. May God bless you Jackie. We do miss you and pray you're at peace now.
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| Christmas posing with Jen and her brother |
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| Jackie early 80's beach picture 35mm |
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| Jackie Gordon Jen and Brian Christmas 1985 Polaroid 600 |
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