February 2018
Just like that, the years are behind you in a flash. My oldest child turned 18 years old this month. Eighteen. An adult. Responsible for herself. Allowed to vote. Allowed to do things that adults do, however, she is still my child.
How quickly times pass. I've gone through a weird array of emotions recently--actually weeping at night, knowing what is to come, or what might. Those nights parents lie awake thinking 'when will my child be home' and finally falling into slumber when the lock tumbles. My child I've reared all these years and spent almost every night with in the same house will start to be fewer, then, one day soon, not at all. I'm hoping she stays with us through her college years but then again I hope she gets out there and makes herself known to society in the amazing way and potential that I know she's capable of. I also know I can throw out the cliche "just a kid yesterday" talk but I can't!--birth--hearing my voice for the first time to break up the tears and look at me quizzically as if--she's heard my voice before.
Felt my touch (hugs are unacceptable now, smirk). Then an infant, a toddler (stubborn at that!); a shining reader in school with a thirst and quest for books and being a 'top reader' every month. Camping trips with friends;
being a Choral student; trips by herself with the middle school, black-belt recipient in karate after training a hard three-and-a-half-years,
The summer trips around the U.S., to the motherland in PA,
the later teen years (ugh) complete with heartbreaking break-ups and loss of good friendships--and now.... Eighteen, and getting to graduate high school in less than three months with a couple of college credits under her belt already.
She started to rebel and get interested in things only about a year ago--questioning use of alcohol, marijuana, being sneaky (or attempting to--she sometimes got caught) trying to throw parties when her parents had intel about what was going on. Snapchatting, Instagramming, even with her finsta where she lashes out against the world, we pick our battles wisely. Now she's eighteen. Gotten piercings, even a tattoo;
She sometimes battles bouts of depression in the spring, holidays such as Easter and Father's day--(wish she'd pick different days) but we are always there to talk, engage, not chat or sent a text....
We continually talk to her about making right decisions, that she will fuck up someday. We all did. We still do. All of us. She's messed up recently with a decision that we got wind of by another's parent-whom she is very good friends with, and that opened her up to what could actually happen being an adult nowadays. Luckily that parent loves her and instead of making a huge issue of it, called us to rectify the problem. Fuck ups happen. Long talks and brow-beatings and groundings recently--even though she's eighteen now. But she gets it. She earns her own things. She saved $700 so she could have her OWN iPhone7. She pays her cell phone bill every month, more than what I pay for the three other people in the family and cell service, but she enjoys at&t (for some reason unbeknownst to me), so we let her. I guess there are the creature comforts of a high school child in a wealthy school.
She works a job to pay for gas in her car. She loves her car, even though it's almost 20 years old when kids the same age in the school she goes to drive nothing less than $30,000 bmws, Corvettes, Jeep Wrangler four doors and raised trucks under their little entitled minds. She understands what it is to EARN things. She even quit Snapchat a month ago, which seems to be unheard of in this day and age in high school. She says everyone keeps asking her what's wrong, why'd she get off snapchat and she simply answers, "because I don't like looking at it everyday, all the time. it's gotten 'dumb'."
I have seen what snapchat can do to kids first hand. It puts them on a stage and makes them feel a need to watch others, and take vain pics of themselves every 45 seconds, and continually check about 200 - 500 other 'snaps' to see if they're actually missing anything. No wonder people have anxiety, or fear to speak up, or fear of people. Everything is done through our fucking phones, and I for one have a problem with that. I am biased, of course but I feel my kid is already mountains ahead of others socially, especially since she's quit that app. I think it's the best thing she could have done to beat her depression, have more time for herself, to enjoy the life that occurs around her, not just what goes on inside her tiny personal computer that most of us call life nowadays. I also know that we missed a lot regarding this app. Not checking on it enough, not being more harsh and keeping an eye on our child. Poor kid number 2 is going to have us breathing down his throat, especially getting in his apps, his phone, and no--absolutely NO snapchat!
Maybe this is a big reason I see her as an adult, but I for one know it is a combination of both us parents being there for her throughout her life, guiding her, teaching her, showing her the ways that we feel (but deep down just know) are best, even if they're hard. So, daughter, I want you to know that you make us undeniably proud to call you our daughter, even if being eighteen allows you certain liberties and lacks of discretion that may get you in trouble. We love you kiddo, more than you'll ever know.
How quickly times pass. I've gone through a weird array of emotions recently--actually weeping at night, knowing what is to come, or what might. Those nights parents lie awake thinking 'when will my child be home' and finally falling into slumber when the lock tumbles. My child I've reared all these years and spent almost every night with in the same house will start to be fewer, then, one day soon, not at all. I'm hoping she stays with us through her college years but then again I hope she gets out there and makes herself known to society in the amazing way and potential that I know she's capable of. I also know I can throw out the cliche "just a kid yesterday" talk but I can't!--birth--hearing my voice for the first time to break up the tears and look at me quizzically as if--she's heard my voice before.
being a Choral student; trips by herself with the middle school, black-belt recipient in karate after training a hard three-and-a-half-years,
The summer trips around the U.S., to the motherland in PA,
She started to rebel and get interested in things only about a year ago--questioning use of alcohol, marijuana, being sneaky (or attempting to--she sometimes got caught) trying to throw parties when her parents had intel about what was going on. Snapchatting, Instagramming, even with her finsta where she lashes out against the world, we pick our battles wisely. Now she's eighteen. Gotten piercings, even a tattoo;
We continually talk to her about making right decisions, that she will fuck up someday. We all did. We still do. All of us. She's messed up recently with a decision that we got wind of by another's parent-whom she is very good friends with, and that opened her up to what could actually happen being an adult nowadays. Luckily that parent loves her and instead of making a huge issue of it, called us to rectify the problem. Fuck ups happen. Long talks and brow-beatings and groundings recently--even though she's eighteen now. But she gets it. She earns her own things. She saved $700 so she could have her OWN iPhone7. She pays her cell phone bill every month, more than what I pay for the three other people in the family and cell service, but she enjoys at&t (for some reason unbeknownst to me), so we let her. I guess there are the creature comforts of a high school child in a wealthy school.
She works a job to pay for gas in her car. She loves her car, even though it's almost 20 years old when kids the same age in the school she goes to drive nothing less than $30,000 bmws, Corvettes, Jeep Wrangler four doors and raised trucks under their little entitled minds. She understands what it is to EARN things. She even quit Snapchat a month ago, which seems to be unheard of in this day and age in high school. She says everyone keeps asking her what's wrong, why'd she get off snapchat and she simply answers, "because I don't like looking at it everyday, all the time. it's gotten 'dumb'."
I have seen what snapchat can do to kids first hand. It puts them on a stage and makes them feel a need to watch others, and take vain pics of themselves every 45 seconds, and continually check about 200 - 500 other 'snaps' to see if they're actually missing anything. No wonder people have anxiety, or fear to speak up, or fear of people. Everything is done through our fucking phones, and I for one have a problem with that. I am biased, of course but I feel my kid is already mountains ahead of others socially, especially since she's quit that app. I think it's the best thing she could have done to beat her depression, have more time for herself, to enjoy the life that occurs around her, not just what goes on inside her tiny personal computer that most of us call life nowadays. I also know that we missed a lot regarding this app. Not checking on it enough, not being more harsh and keeping an eye on our child. Poor kid number 2 is going to have us breathing down his throat, especially getting in his apps, his phone, and no--absolutely NO snapchat!
Maybe this is a big reason I see her as an adult, but I for one know it is a combination of both us parents being there for her throughout her life, guiding her, teaching her, showing her the ways that we feel (but deep down just know) are best, even if they're hard. So, daughter, I want you to know that you make us undeniably proud to call you our daughter, even if being eighteen allows you certain liberties and lacks of discretion that may get you in trouble. We love you kiddo, more than you'll ever know.
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